A Light in the Distance

Through  my many experiences, God has shown me to take notice of the details during my day. I am grateful for these, because many times they appear to be small or incidental things that somehow bring me blessing because they are pleasing to experience or because they speak a message to me of comfort, hope, peace... For example, Monday was a particularly difficult day at work, coming on the heels of a very tough two-week period. While I was dreading the next two day, I was also anticipating 'getting through' them because I knew that my work activities later in the week would bring me great fulfillment and joy. But oh, to have the encouragement to get through the two days  until that time!!! May I tell you that God supplied my need ... both days! My ride to work very early Tuesday morning was blessed with a brilliant red-orange sunrise that lit my path the entire route. God's handiwork... Glorious! And Tuesday as I drove past a wooded area I noticed a light apricot-colored falcon with a large wing span take flight across my path. This experience reminded me of God's Word: (Isaiah 40.3) "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint. Both days, I knew that God was reminding that He was with me; He would not permit anything to occur that I could not handle together with Him. So you might say that the sun and the bird were there for all to see. And this would be true. But I ask you, Did you see? Did you take notice? Did you appreciate the experience?

About 17 years ago I was going through a difficult time  with a young family member. I was not in agreement with her choices, our lines of communication were closing down and I was heart-broken and worried for her. During this time period, I had the opportunity to be away for a few days. During my travels I embarked on a ferry ride from Hyannis to Nantucket. While there, I visited an old church that had a pipe organ up in the belfry. The pipe organ was made in my home town, so I thought it might be interesting to see it. The belfry also had a viewing area where one could view landmarks of the area. I have to confess that I was much more interested in checking out this than I was the old pipe organ. The belfry was a very large room with windows on each of the four walls. Above each window was a schematic drawing, detailing the landmarks of that particular perspective, including its distance.  Looking out of the east window, I could see a lighthouse out on a point. The drawing above told me that the lighthouse was about 3 miles away. Looking to the south, about a mile away was a farm with sheep. And then looking west, was another lighthouse, this one about six miles away on Martha's Vineyard. I was pretty amazed with each of these views. I had not recalled ever seeing things three and six miles away with the naked eye. And I found each of these views: lighthouses, sheep, farms and vineyard  mindful of scriptures and therefore encouraging to me at a time when I felt powerless. Now to see what was at the fourth window... facing north. -Nothing but grayish haze. Are you kidding me? What did the map above reveal to me? It detailed a sketching of the mainland about 30 miles away, with a notation that on a clear day, one could see the water towers of Hyannis. Water towers... those uber-huge grayish green silos. Not exactly pretty, but they held water that quenches our thirst. I noticed them to my right when I was on the ferry pulling out of port. I wanted desperately to see them now. My eyes sifted the horizon, moving slowly, straining to see these water towers. It felt like I was doing this for hours, even though it could not have been for more than 5 minutes. But I was not giving up. I knew those water towers were there. I had seen them earlier in the day. But I wanted to see them from afar. And I could not discern them. An elder man approached me and asked me what I was looking for. I told him that I wanted to see the water towers. He handed me  a set of binoculars with the words, "Sometimes we need help seeing what is before us." Grateful, I brought the binoculars to my eyes, adjusted them and looked....and looked... and looked. I checked the drawing above me again, so I could be sure that I was searching the correct area. Ah, yes.... there they were. And then the sky broke a little, there was some sun and I took away the binoculars, searching the same spot... and having found the water towers with the help of tools: the map drawing, the binoculars and the elder's advice; I was successful in seeing the water towers with the naked eye. And it blessed me by reminding me that God's Word is like those tools.... guiding me, comforting me and showing me that He is in control; He will make a way, and the situation in question will work out.

"and you shall seek me, and you shall find me when you shall search for me with all of your heart." -Jeremiah 29.13

Come to Me . . .

Come to Me . . . —Matthew 11:28

You could actually read this for yourself on the www.utmost.org site. I am placing it here because it speaks to me loud and clear. Change in my life is all around me, particularly in my professional work. -I have a work situation that is causing me internal conflict and God is leading to making a change. My health is challenging me as well. The anticipated changes require me to 'launch into the deep'... and yet, I continue to have a deep, inner-dwelling peace. This morning's Word explains that peace... because I go to Him, the Author and the Finisher of my days, knowing assuredly that He has a plan. Consider these Words; may they bless your day as they have mine:

"God intends for us to live a well-rounded life in Christ Jesus, but there are times when that life is attacked from the outside. Then we tend to fall back into self-examination, a habit that we thought was gone. Self-awareness is the first thing that will upset the completeness of our life in God, and self-awareness continually produces a sense of struggling and turmoil in our lives. Self-awareness is not sin, and it can be produced by nervous emotions or by suddenly being dropped into a totally new set of circumstances. Yet it is never God’s will that we should be anything less than absolutely complete in Him. Anything that disturbs our rest in Him must be rectified at once, and it is not rectified by being ignored but only by coming to Jesus Christ. If we will come to Him, asking Him to produce Christ-awareness in us, He will always do it, until we fully learn to abide in Him."

"Never allow anything that divides or destroys the oneness of your life with Christ to remain in your life without facing it. Beware of allowing the influence of your friends or your circumstances to divide your life. This only serves to sap your strength and slow your spiritual growth. Beware of anything that can split your oneness with Him, causing you to see yourself as separate from Him. Nothing is as important as staying right spiritually. And the only solution is a very simple one— “Come to Me . . . .” The intellectual, moral, and spiritual depth of our reality as a person is tested and measured by these words. Yet in every detail of our lives where we are found not to be real, we would rather dispute the findings than come to Jesus." -www.utmost.org

What is Worth Having is Worth Having to Wait

Scientists have documented that when a butterfly emerges from its cocoon, it is not fully developed. -Its time has come to transition from an enclosed, "safe" environment to the open world. While it is breaking out of its soft shell, the butterfly must move its wings back and forth repeatedly. -Flexing its muscles so to speak. This movement strengthens its wings, ultimately liberating it from the now restrictive cocoon and simultaneously preparing it to take flight. How beautiful is it to observe the simple grace and beauty of a butterfly flitting flower to flower? How blessed is the one who takes the time to notice the butterfly in the busy-ness of our days!

Do you remember learning to walk? -Probably not, but  you most likely took a step or two and fell down. In order to perfect your ability, you had to learn to get over the impact of the fall, pick yourself up and start over. I don't remember learning to walk, but I do remember my children moving though this developmental milestone. As a parent, it is difficult to watch this and not move in to 'help', whether to prevent the fall or to ease the process by catching them too quickly or picking up the child so he or she does not have to work so hard to get up. Most of the time (of course the exception is if severe injury is likely), this repetitive process of taking the step(s), falling and arising strengthens our muscles and teaches our body to balance and to move in space.

Imagine how God perceives us as we move through life. He sees us as His children and loves us as a Father. His Word confirms this. He guides us, teaches us, and provides for us; yet allows us to make our own choices. -Even those that might lead us into difficulty.

Look at the story of Jacob in the Old Testament. He left the cocoon of his family and homeland (okay, so he wasn't exactly safe there; he'd gotten into a bit of a mess, deceiving his father and ultimately his brother out of a birthright privilege) and traversed to the home of a distant kinsmen. There he fell in love with the man's younger daughter, Rachel. He loved her so much, and agreed to work for the man for seven years in order to win her as his wife. Jacob worked the designated time, earning the right to marry Rachel. Imagine his shock when he realized he'd been duped. The bride that he took as wife was not Rachel, but her elder sister, Leah. Not his chosen beloved for whom he had slaved. Ah, the deceiver was deceived. (It seems there is yet another spiritual lesson, Be careful for what you sow;  for you will surely reap what seeds you sow) I would bet that there was a heated discussion between Jacob and his father-in-law. In the end, Jacob works an additional seven years and is given his Beloved Rachel as his wife.

Now, I have already confessed that I made a poor choice in marrying against the good judgment of my parents. That union yielded two beautiful children and when their father abandoned us, I was determined to be the best mother that I could be. For me, that meant devoting myself to their needs. I did not date during that time period... I was too tired, too busy, partially hopeful that the man would re-find our family; but mostly, I was too determined that whoever would be father to my children would be God's pick. For this, I waited 14 years. Fourteen years, like Jacob waited and worked for Rachel. And so I often refer to this period of time, from 1985 to 1999, as my Rachel and Leah years. So, what happened in 1999? Well, one of the best things ever!!!! In November of 1999, exactly 14 years later, I attended my 25th high school reunion. And there I re-acquainted with the boy from the next street, the one who was our paperboy... the one who is my husband, who is my soul-mate, and who is worth having to wait.

 

Does He Know Me?

Such is the title of my devotional today. I typically read from the Oswald Chambers website: www.utmost.org  Wow.....Does God know me?

I do believe that He does. His Word tells me that He formed me in my mother's womb and that He knows every hair on my head. I know this to be true. How? Because I have experienced Him: His presence, His voice, His hand. And not just once. Repeatedly. Consistently. For decades.

As a child, I was taught to have a reverence for God. And in my child-like way, I loved Him and believed in Him. I grew up in a unique home. My father was Lutheran. My mother was Catholic and that is how we were being raised. Church on Sunday, CCD on Monday after school. Grace at meals, a quick memorized prayer at night. Yet somewhere in there, was fostered a yearning for more.

God knew me; but did I know Him?

No. Not until I was 26 years old. It was May 16, 1982 and I will never forget the day. Let's back up a little. Exactly one year prior to that date I had married a man who I loved, believed loved me, but one in whom my parents  saw only trouble. -I thought I knew more than my parents, so I married him despite their warnings. Ths action created a rift that took awhile to heal. What is important is that after that day, my parents found a saving grace and faith in Christ. Through the year, we were able to reconcile. I saw that there had been a change in them, but was reticent and doubtful. Yet, I watched and slowly grew closer to my parents.

And then it was May 16, the first anniversary of my wedding. I was six months pregnant with our first child and we were leaving that evening to join my parents-in-law on a trip to observe my husband's sister graduate from college. The plan was for me to join my husband after his day in court. He was a lawyer, had been accused of something but had assured me that it was nothing and that he would easily and quickly be exonerated. I believed him. And waited for him to meet me at my parents' home. He did not appear. One of my brothers had been in that courtroom that day. He saw what happened. My husband had pled guilty and was sentenced. He would not be coming home that night... or the next night. In fact, he was not coming home for several months.

Talk about unprepared.... there was I: six months pregnant, livng far away from my family and now left alone because my husband was incarcerated far from our home. Oh my..... what to do??? And why me? I didn't do anything wrong. Did I???? (Stubbornness, disobedience and pride immediately come to my mind now.)

And then there were my parents. I was expecting "We told you so", but it did not come. Instead, they invited old family friends to the house. There were a couple of whom I was very fond. The husband began to speak of God and His plans. I remember challenging them and demanding them to show me where in the Word it says God knows me, that He loves me and has a plan for me. He began at John 3.16: "for God so loved the world that He gave His only Son..." The bottom line: On May 16, 1982, I asked Jesus Christ to be Lord of my life. And He is. I have never looked back and He has never failed me. Through joys and trials He has been my best friend.

"Do I have a personal history with Jesus Christ? The one true sign of discipleship is intimate oneness with Him— a knowledge of Jesus that nothing can shake." -utmost.org

Obedience. Even When It Doesn't Make Sense.

After reading that story, you might wonder why I called my oncologist/friend instead of my PCP. And you might wonder how I am friend with my oncologist. It's a great story... of acting in obedience; even though it might not be comfortable or make sense. About three years ago, I had a lab finding that necessitated surgical action. I was able to obtain a second opinion from a well-known oncologist. The consult was able to occur in a very timely fashion, because I have a friend who works at the cancer center.(!) The surgeon was knowledgeable, compassionate and took the time to listen to my questions and to answer them, ensuring that I understood what she was saying. As a clinical occupational therapist and an educator myself, I highly valued her time, her passion for my care and her concern that I would be able to make an informed decision. The day of my procedure came, my family and friends were praying for me and for God's hands to direct the surgeon's, and ultimately, for God's perfect will to be upheld. Everything went without incident and I was released to return home and recover for a few days. My surgeon left word that her office would call the next day, but that she would call me with the results in a few days. On Day 2, I awoke and read my devotional. As I was meditating on God's Word, I believe Him to speak to me, telling me that I should let my surgeon know that I perceived that God ministered to me through her hands; that He was using her and holds her in the palm of His hand as He does me. 

I must confess, the thought of doing this was a bit overwhelming. Why? Because I knew nothing of this woman other than her surgical skill. God was asking me to 'cross a line' between professional and intensely personal. -A line of faith when she may not even be a believer. But I knew God's call to be true, and I knew that I had to obey, even though it meant moving me from my comfort zone to a realm of launching into the deep. And then I remembered how Jesus encouraged his disciples to do just that, cast their nets into a  different place and thus reap the bounty of his blessings. And so I told my husband that I needed to speak with my oncologist that day and that if she did not call me by noon, I would be calling her.

The phone rang at 10:30; it was my surgeon calling me with the pathology report from the procedure. She explained everything, then asked me if I had any questions. I asked a few, she answered them, then asked if I had any more questions or concerns. I thought that my heart would burst, it was beating so hard. I caught my breath, in my mind I asked God to guide my words so that they would be His words, and I said, "I have no more questions but I do have something important to share. I know nothing about you or your personal beliefs, but I do know that I perceive the hand of God in this. I believe that He has ministered to me through you; that He has guided your hands and your ways and that He wants you to know this." I heard sobbing followed by one of the most beautiful and enriching conversations of blessing into each other's lives.

Obedience; even when it does not make sense; can lead to profound blessing.

Everything Happens for a Reason...

There's a scripture in the New Testament that states how Mary, the mother of Christ, watched Jesus as he grew noting his words and his ways and it says that she held these things in her heart. I perceive this to mean that she contemplated them, knowing the purpose of his life but not fully comprehending all that it would entail. She observed events and remembered them to watch as Jesus' life story unfolded to bring understanding. Many times, we do this in our own lives. We observe someone or something, don't fully understand it, but hold onto it so that it brings greater meaning at a later time.

A few weeks ago, I was driving to my work, about 50 miles away. I typically travel a major highway, the speeds of vehicles around me average about 80 mph. It can be harrowing to navigate among large trailer trucks and small seductive lane-changing cars. In any case, as I was driving, I noticed one of these vehicles narrowly miss hitting me. I perceived God speaking to me at that point, reminding me that He holds me in the palm of His hand, and that there is nothing I will endure that He won't be alongside me. Grateful, I pondered what this might mean. After all, I was merely driving my regular commute! So, I 'held' the words in my heart. The following day, I awoke to a throbbing lower abdominal pain, like a cramping. Having grown up in a 'just do it' home, I went about my daily business, commuting an hour each way and putting in my regular work day. By afternoon, the pain intensified and I was literally doubled-over. I called my (oncologist) physician and friend and she prescribed diagnostics to include blood work and a CT scan with IV contrast dye, scheduled for 2 days later. The next day I rested as the pain continued to be intense. I remembered the words from earlier in the week "You are in the palm of my hand; I will be by your side every step of the way." and I knew not to be afraid; I could trust that there was a plan!

But what was it? After the CT scan, I received a telephone call that the tests revealed a case of diverticulitis (easy enough to deal with) and an incidental finding of a splenic artery aneurysm. What?! Are you kidding?! Why me? -I don't even meet the risk factors!! -Not pregnant (nope, not even close), no high blood pressure, not a smoker.

And then the realization hit me... what a blessing to discern this 18mm problem as an incidental finding rather than as a rupture which could be a life-threatening incident.  So yes, there has a been a trip or two to my primary care physician to deal with the diverticulitis (thank you for antibiotics) and to the vascular surgeon and interventional radiologist to plan for my upcoming stent/coil procedure.

God holds me in the palm of His hand!!! -And I am at peace!

Now, if everything happens for a reason, stay tuned to read the related stories.

Why Me?

Have you ever asked that question -even to yourself? I believe that we all have! Sometimes we ask the question because we have been chosen for an amazing task or award and we can't believe our good fortune. But much of the time we ask the question because we don't like the circumstances, or we might be fearful of the outcome, or of how we will even reach a positive outcome. It's okay to ask the question, but not to remain immersed in thought about it. Why? Well, if we bask in the "honor", we get puffed up and that can lead to pride or arrogance... or even the appearance of it. -This behavior turns people away . And if we wallow in the "poor me's", we become fearful, sorrowful, anxious. -That turns people away as well. Either way, we become alone and our purpose is thwarted. A good model is the story of Joseph in the Old Testament. He basked in stories of the dreams that God gave him early in his youth and it caused his brothers to despise him and leave him for dead. God's hand of protection was upon him and caused him to eventually become the right hand man to Pharoah. Ultimately God used Joseph in powerful ways and reunited him with his family. -Read the story for yourself in the book of Genesis, chapters 37-50.

So, you might say, "that was eons ago, if even true"; "the Bible isn't relevant to today"; and/or "what does that have to do with me?"

Well, we all have stories. Let me begin to tell you mine:

I was born in the dark ages of time... 1956 to be exact. I am the firstborn to my parents, and they were young, in their early twenties, at the time of my birth. Like all parents, they were anticipating a healthy, perfect child. Imagine their surprise when I was revealed to them and they could see that I was formed without my forearm and hand. I imagine that they asked the questions:

"Why me?" (as in How will I raise this child? What will people say or do to her?");

"Why her?" (What will happen to her? What will her life be like? Will she have friends? Will anyone ever love her?)

What matters is what they did... For starters, they modeled Love and Acceptance. They had more children, all of whom are  among my best friends. They taught me to face each person and each day with eye contact and a smile (translation: facing the truth and seeking the best!). They instilled in me that God made me this way. He formed me in His image; He formed me with a purpose .

It's amazing how we can plod through our days, knowing that there is a reason and an ordained outcome, but not always knowing what it is. If we believe in God and  are pursuing His purpose, we can refer to this in faith and with a vision for tomorrow. Check out Hebrews 11... one of my favorites:

"Now FAITH is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

My parents had a vision of what they hoped for, even though they could not really 'see' the route to achieve it or even the define the details of the final outcome.

So fast-forward; what became of the girl with one arm? Well, she grew up, graduated from college, became an occupational therapist, started a family and lived happily ever-after. Really??? Ha, life is never that simple!

The route has been fraught with traversing some low-lying valleys of disappointment and difficulty, climbing a few challenging mountains and navigating  few roadblocks and 'wrong turns'.but the road has been marked with beautiful views, bountiful and blessed with pinnacles of joy!

Why me? I answer with another question: Why not me?(!)